George Bush Asks Terrorists for Help to Postpone Elections

Written by Chuck Terzella

Monday, 12 July 2004

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"I'm Here and I'm Staying"

The Department of Homeland Security has been working with Election Officials, al Qaida and the Bush Administration to put plans in place to postpone the November Presidential Elections. The tentative plan calls for a terrorist attack in the event that the President's poll numbers indicate that the Republican Party may lose the elections to Democratic opponent Senator John Kerry.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, " We in the Administration are committed to having contingency plans in place that address every conceivable scenario. Let's say for instance that the War in Iraq goes badly...yeah, I know, the War in Iraq really sucks already but let's say it drops completely down the tube. Well, that could easily cost us a few States in the Election. Or Cheney moves from just cursing out Patrick Leahy to actual fisticuffs. Or George Bush accidentally invades Canada. That's almost happened three times already. The point is, any one of a number of things can sink the Administration."

Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of even more anonymity continued, " Anyway, we can't let some stupid little thing like several thousand dead U.S. soldiers or nuking Toronto detract from our Neo-Con Agenda. So we've been in constant communication with the Union of Thugs, Losers, Dead Enders and Assassins (UTDE&A) to co-ordinate a massive Terrorist Attack on American soil in time to be able to postpone the November Elections. Once the elections are cancelled temporarily, they're cancelled forever, trust me."

Ahmed bull Durham, president of the UTDE&A has issued a statement saying, " We are always happy to help our fellow Conservative Religious friends, even if the are Infidel Swine. As you know, the Bush Administration and we have a great many mutual friends in Saudi Arabia, so when we got the call from the House of Saud we were ready to help. If George Bush needs us we're ready to hop a plane to America immediately. The last thing we want is for America to get a President that actually understands war or worse, could increase America's standing in the world."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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