Tuesday, 21 July 2009

image for Wall Street Firm Announces a New Financial Strategy
"Whatever happened to buy low sell high?"

New York NY: The Wall Street investment house of Frank, Dodd and Kennedy (FDK) LLC has announced their new financial strategy for the small investor in the next 18 months (offer expires January 4, 2011).

The new strategy is called "Give yourself a Self Stimulus Package" (no not that kind of stimulus). If the Federal government can do it, so can you! Yes you can! The only restriction is that you cannot print money. Sorry, the US Treasury Department gets upset when individuals do this, as only the Federal government can print money and cause inflation.

Since you are going to be "screwed, glued and tattooed" by the congressionally mandated Health Care Reform and Cap and Trade bills, FDK LLC advises you to take immediate action. If you are employed, pretend you make over $250,000 per year as you will be taxed at a rate as if you did. Max out your credit cards with such items as a 52" flat panel color TV based home entertainment center, installed in a Teak cabinet. Purchase two GMC "fuel efficient" cars to stimulate the economy. To further this economic movement, buy a foreclosed large house at outrageously low interest rates. If you are unemployed, hire yourself and family at large salaries above $250,000 to create high paying jobs (please no bonuses).

The bill collectors, creditors and the IRS will start banging on your door to collect their overdue payments. You may then petition the Federal government for bankruptcy or bailout money, as the Federal government can print money. It's legal for you to collect bonuses here, if you put such a clause in your self employment contract.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: bailout




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