Without as of yet putting her hand on the Bible, yet to be sworn in Surgeon General Dr. Regina Benjamin nonetheless has already spearheaded a major breakthrough in women's health.
Securing an advance on seed money provided by one of the many President Obama's stimuli packages, she claims to have puzzled out the underlying cause of Postpartum Depression - that dreadful malaise inflicting far too many newborn mothers.
Says Dr. Benjamin, recipient of a 2008 MacArthur genius grant, "The depression stems from the loss of the one decent, legitimate excuse for a woman to be plus-sized. With that baby dropped, yet still having an ass-size that gives your I.Q. a run for the money, depression is bound to kick in."
As of press time for this article, President Obama was unavailable for comment.