Infamous 'Lizard Murderer' Dies In Prison

Funny story written by Andersdenker

Thursday, 16 July 2009

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Adolf Helton Hitler

USA - The notorious Lizard Murderer of Frankfort, Kentucky has died in prison at the age of 54, officials at the Frankfort Prison for Mentally Challenged Offenders say.

Those who do not remember the man specifically might still recall some of the media outcry in response to the news of D. Von Helton having murdered a 20 year old German called Julian Everts in April 2008 after reportedly mistaking him for a reptilian.

Von Helton was then sentenced to life in prison shortly afterwards for first degree murder.

Even now, his brother - who also made the news with his statements in a controversial interview after D. Von Helton's lifetime sentence - maintains the position that his family member was wronged during the trial.

As announced, he also did sue the manufacturer of the lizard costume Everts, the victim, had worn at the time the tragic killing took place.

James P. Von Helton is now in debt after losing in court; it was to be expected, experts say.

Don Von Helton's family is now mourning their deep loss.

The well-known activist group PETER (People for the Ethical Treatment of Elderly Retards) has now also "lost a life long member and friend", their top official Gerry Attrickmann says. "He was such a lovely person. I cannot believe he's gone now, just like that. All of a sudden. I have been crying tears of joy. To think that he's in Heaven, oh dear!"

Judging from the comments made so far, one would assume that Von Helton died peacefully. To the contrary, says Frankfort Prison's director.
Apparently the infamous Lizard Murderer tried escaping from jail several times prior to his unexpected death, and apparently he was seeking help from The Order, but then realised they didn't exist anymore, so he reportedly established contact with the National Alliance.

All without but the slightest chance of succeeding, prison officials told the news network America Just Now At This Very Moment yesterday morning.
It is very doubtful whether Von Helton ever truly comprehended what he'd done. Apparently he wasn't content with serving time for the hideous crime he had committed.

His mother, Karah Von Helton, is now considering suing J. Everts's family for crimes against humanity, based on a statement of theirs expressing their deep satisfaction at their son's murderer's death: "We are now satisfied and at peace. We sincerely hope this Von Helton died a slow, painful death."

With so much death and so many lawsuits going on, who's to make sense of the situation?

One thing can be said with reasonable confidence: Don Von Helton was most probably a complete idiot.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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