Arlen Specter to Duesler: "Don't you be messin' wit mah niggaz!"

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Saturday, 11 July 2009

image for Arlen Specter to Duesler: "Don't you be messin' wit mah niggaz!"
Mothers fear these toddlers came far too close to havin' some REAL playaz hatin' on 'em.

HUNTINGDON VALLEY, PA - It was a black day for Ivory Tower Swim Club president John Duesler, who denied allegations of racism Friday after his club reneged on swim privileges for nearby Daddy's lil' Thugz day care center.

"This thing has been blown way out of proportion," said Duesler. "We didn't blackball anybody! It was a safety issue. Everybody knows colored kids can't swim!"

Daddy's lil' Thugz' mommaz said that's not the real story, indicating that, when they arrived at the club for the first time, "All the white people were terrified."

One woman reportedly shrank into a corner when "a nappy-headed little girl" attempted to manipulate the fingers on each of her hands into an "OK"; she later said she thought the girl had been flashing gang signs.

Daddy's lil' Thugz' mommaz claim their check was returned shortly thereafter with no further explanation.

Senator Arlen Specter (D-Pennsylvania), who returned to the Democratic Party after 44 years as a Republican on April 29 this year, finding himself "increasingly at odds with the [current] Republican philosophy," saw news reports of the Ivory Tower incident, and got ta crack-a-lackin'.

"Look here," said Specter. "I'm 'bout ta bus' yo gnarly punk ass! How the hell you goan try to ack like it's a safety issue, you lyin' ass sack a... Hmm!! You bes' get them kids back in that damn pool boy, you hear?

"Don't you be messin' wit mah niggaz!!" he said.

Duesler thanked Specter for his concern, but indicated the club's board had not yet decided how best to "remove this dark spot" from their "otherwise sparkling white reputation."

"I'm sorry," he explained, "but I don't know if we're ready to change our policy. There were already as many children as we could safely allow in the pool with that number of lifeguards on duty. If those darkies weren't always running late, maybe things would have turned out differently."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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