Saddam, Osama Eye US Presidency

Written by Rebut

Wednesday, 7 July 2004

image for Saddam, Osama Eye US Presidency
"Give me liberty and I'll give you death".

Saddam Hussein, with Osama bin Laden as his running mate, is aiming to become the first foreigner to win the American Presidency.

Speaking at an impromptu press conference, Saddam told journalists that, seeing as he isn't doing anything right now, he figured he'd toss his hat into the ring.

The plan is for Saddam to become President with Osama taking over California. Once installed as the Caliph, California will break away from the USA and be renamed as Caliphate.

Asked whether he was enjoying his entry into Western style Democracy, Saddam replied : "I'm having a gas, or at least I will be, as soon as I'm elected".

Bin Laden was only available by satellite phone but we asked him about his policies for Europe. He was quick to reassure us that no further pre-emptive strikes would be entertained. Apparently he's been advised that it's not safe to visit areas hit by ICBMs until many years after.

Saddam was more light hearted. Asked about the $0.5 trillion deficit, he chuckled and asked us who we thought would be around to collect.

He was however more restrained when the issue of his impending trial came up : "Oy! Is this a balagan or what?" he says hitting his forehead with the palm of his right hand. "It's just one big toomel but kein ein horah if I'm president they can all kush mir in touchas".

The most interesting aspect for me was women's rights. "They don't have any" mused Saddam, "although as long as they are covered from head to toe and don't speak, they'll be fine!"

The lady from the New York Times was outraged : "Are you suggesting that there is no place for women in America if you are president?" Saddam looked her straight in the eye and said : "Of course not, there will be a place for women in America, I just haven't had time to dig it yet!!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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