Neverland - (Toxic Ass Mess): Toxicology tests on Michael Jackson have revealed a high level of blood in the singer's cocaine count according to an FBI statement issued via the City Morgue this morning.
Jackson, 50, swore by this ancient self-help remedy which local AIDS guru Dave Skank had prescribed and supplied in copious quantities since 2001.
Initially the prescription was for nasal pain following several rhinoplasty botch-jobs.
But the entertainer continued to self-medicate after being persuaded of the coca leaf derivative's miracle cure potential in a penis engorgement - er...enlargement! - scenario.
This was successfully tested on several minors in the Los Angeles area during the last few decades, or so.
Janet Jackson is 69.