Cat Deely of "So You Think You Can Dance" Reveals She Can't

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 19 June 2009

image for Cat Deely of "So You Think You Can Dance" Reveals She Can't
Cat Deely's legs which Larry King has called the most beautiful legs on television.

HOLLYWOOD - The host of So You Think You Can Dance, Cat Deely, of England has revealed in an interview that will be appearing in the July issue of PlayMale Magazine that she cannot dance.

The statuesque 32-year-old native of Birmingham, England stated that she has two left feet. She reached in her purse and took out an x-ray that shows that she does in fact have two left feet.

Deely (which is pronounced vo-lop-tu-ous) said that as a child growing up in Birmingham she was teased because of her unbelievably unusual two left feet.

She said they would say things like "left foot, left foot, Cat has two left foots (sic)." And that was just the teachers. Deely said that the remarks by the students were even worse than the ones by the teachers.

Cat revealed that she quickly learned to compensate for it by learning to French kiss like a Left Bank whore from Paris.

She said that in no time at all dozens of the young lads got to where they didn't give a rat's rumpus if she had two left feet, two left ears, or two left knockers just as long as she had that amazingly trained Le Rive Gauche tongue.

When she entered high school she joined the girl's soccer team. She soon became the best female soccer player in the whole city. Her coach said that Cat's greatest soccer trait was the fact that the opposing players had no idea which of her two left feet Cat was going to use to kick the ball.

During her senior year, Cat scored more points than all of the other players on the team combined. She was chosen as the best female soccer player in the entire United Kingdom.

She was also voted by the male student body as well as by the male faculty as the best French kisser in the history of Birmingham's Ringo Starr High School.

Cat soon went off to London's famed St. Blimey College on a soccer and French language scholarship. While at St. Blimey she met Wyler Chickering.

He was the son of Elvin and Abigail Chickering heirs to the Chickering Double-Decker Bus Line Company of London.

Wyler gave Cat a brand new double-decker bus for her birthday. She loved it and drove it everywhere she went except through the drive-thru window at the local McDonalds.

The young man thought that Cat hung the moon. Every day he would buy her crumpets, tea, M&M's, and fish and chips. He affectionatley nicknamed her "Lefty."

Wyler broke up with Deely one summer night when he caught her giving a midnight ride to Derrick Kinghorn, manager of the local McDonalds.

He told her that he would not have minded so much if she had given him the ride on the double-decker bus, but sadly that was not the case as her bus was parked at her grandmother's house.

Cat was heartbroken and she decided to travel to America and get over her sorrow. She arrived in Los Angeles on a Monday, and by Tuesday the beautiful tall blonde gal was already dating none other than Matthew MacConaughey. A week later she traveled to Aspen, Colorado with Alex Rodriguez.

Deely quickly became the most popular tallest girl on the Left Coast. She soon auditioned and got the part of host of So You Think You Can Dance.

Many viewers of the dance show have noticed that Cat literally towers over all of the dance contestants both women and men by a good six inches.

Deely confided on an edition of Anderson Cooper 360 that she actually stands 6 foot 5. The bubbly Brit wears 4-inch heels so that puts her at 6 foot 9.

The English Cat now prefers to keep her personal life a secret. But Anderson Cooper did divulge the fact that Deely never wears a bra, she has a fetish for whipped cream, she has a crush on San Antonio Spurs player Tony Parker (Eva's husband), and she has a tiny tattoo of a ballet slipper on her right underarm.

In other news. American Idol third runnerup, Danny Gokey has said that he has been signed to be Robert Downey, Jr.'s stunt double in Downey's sequel to Sherlock Holmes entitled, Sherlock Holmes - The Clueless Years.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more