MALIBU BEACH - Pamela Anderson, actress, model, author, and universal sex symbol called a press conference, which was held in her Malibu Beach living room.
Pamela said that due to the economic crisis she has had to sell off one of her Beverly Hills mansions, three of her Lamborghinis, and part of her shoe collection.
She said that even after all of that she still needs to raise some money to pay for one of her last boob jobs, since there was a $50,000 deductable.
Pam talked to her longtime maid Sonata Obispado and asked her if she had any suggestions on how to raise some money, short of being a high-priced call girl.
Obispado thought for a while and then she suggested that Miss Pam could sell some strands of her hair. Pam asked who would want to buy that?
Sonata grinned and she whispered something in her ear. Pam's head shot back. She laughed and said, "Oh I had no idea you were talking about my basement hair."
Pam thought about it but she said that if she did that then everyone would know that she was not a natural blonde. She asked Sonata for another idea.
After thinking she suggested that Miss Pam had literally dozens and dozens of bikini thongs so why not take one and put it on eBay.
She said that knowing how red blooded American men think, she said that she had the possibility of making lots and lots of dinero (money).
So Pam and Sonata went into Pam's master bedroom, opened up her underwear drawer and proceeded to pick out the pair that would be placed on eBay.
Pam quickly eliminated two pair saying that they each had special meaning because she had worn them underneath her wedding gowns when she married Tommy Lee Jones and later when she married Kid Rock.
She also eliminated three pair that had been given to her by Wolf Blitzer, Matthew McConaughey, and Bill Clinton.
Next to be eliminated were seven pair that had Playboy logos on them. She also rejected three pair that had an iron decal of Scooby Doo.
Pam also said that she would not part with one pair that had been personally autographed by Ellen DeGeneres, Melissa Etheridge, and Rosie O'Donnell.
Finally after about two hours, two six-packs of Corona Light, and a pack of Marlboro Lights Pamela Anderson decided on the winning pair.
The underwear item that Pamela Anderson will be placing on eBay in order to raise some much needed capital are a pair of blue lace trimmed size 6 hip-hugging animal print bikini thongs that were given to her by Condoleezza Rice as a birthday present when she visited the White House three years ago.
In other news. Kathy Griffin gave an interview in which she only cussed a total of 53 times, or roughly every third word...a definite record for The Queen of Hyper Vulgarity.
However, the writer who interviewed Griffin for the monthly Catholic publication Bingo Illustrated, Sister Marie Maquisha had to actually leave the room a total of 53 times.