Kennedy Shoots Neighbor, Reforms Tax Code

Written by Stone Riprock

Thursday, 1 July 2004

image for Kennedy Shoots Neighbor, Reforms Tax Code

HYANNIS PORT, Ma. - Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-Ma., shot a neighbor in the groin early Thursday morning, and reformed the US tax code. Both actions were apparently accidental. A Kennedy family spokesman said that the senator was in the family compound when, around 5:20 AM, he stumbled against a large gun cabinet, the door fell open, and a loaded, high-powered rifle fell onto a table. The gun discharged and the shot went through a window, striking neighbor John Petros in the groin. Petros lives about half a mile away.

"It was a lucky shot," said Kennedy family spokesman Ted Sorensen. "If Petros hadn't been standing out on his deck at the time, the shot would have missed by a mile. It's just one of those things." Sorensen stressed that Kennedy was unhurt, and in fact was entirely unaware of the incident until an aide explained what had happened.

Details on the tax code reform were sketchy, but an anonymous source reports that it started when Kennedy tumbled down some stairs.

Police are investigating.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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