Written by Phil Edgar's Bones

Friday, 17 April 2009

image for Phil Spector's hair turns state evidence and is given community service
Phil Spector's former wig told stories of a 'platonic' relationship with Dolly's crown topper.

Impresario and pop music lunatic Phil Spector, 180 was taken aback in court as he watched his former hair turn states evidence in his recent trial for murder.

The blonde bob which started life on the head of celebrity crackpot and husky voiced old lady Carol Channing, 1999978 appeared in the witness box wearing dark glasses and YSL suit.

The blonde bob told the jury and sympathetic judge, how Mr Spector kept an arsenal of weapons in his socks and weapons of mass destruction up in his large intestine.

Mr Spector who was visibly shaken by the hair's testimony, wiped a solitary tear from his glazed, staring, psychotic eye. Much to the surprise of the jury the hair told the jury he and various hair pieces were occassionally,locked in boxes for days without food, water and hair-serum, while Mr Spector held lavish parties for his music industry friends; who were all aware of Spector's nuttiness, but turned a blind-eye, due to the star's vast amounts of money.

The hair who looked surprisingly stoic and proud, stated he has therapy and has been told by pyschiatrists he was sufferring from the Stockholm Syndrome, due to years of abuse, intimidation, ill-fitting and bad-wearing.

Spector, 98 shamelessly sporting his new- hair last seen on Afroed the bear from the seventies cartoon series 'Hair Bear Bunch', foamed at the mouth and shouted "All lies , any man, child or hair-piece that says I'm a violent man needs their head cut off with one of the twenty million knives I own" Clearly scared Mr Spectors new hair attempted to slide of his head, but was forced back by spector holding a gun to his own head.

A female juror fainted and later on told reporter "I shudder to think what will happen to his frizzy afro wiggy when he gets it home. Knowing that brute he will probaby set it badly in tight rollers or wash it in strong detergents removing the sheen........Oh the humanity".

Judge Barry Finkelstein told the blonde bob " While Mr Spector clearly dominated you in the relationship, you were in a privileged position on his head. You saw his inappropraite use of guns, knives and Medieval weaponry. You should have alerted authorities earlier, but you choose to live it up chatting to the celebrity wigs of Dolly Parton, Cher, William Shatner and Terry Wogan instead. I therefore will make an example of you and sentence you to 10 months community service on the head of someone with bad hair or no hair"

The wig pleaded with the judge not to be placed on the head of Russell Brand for fear of infestation and decided he would like to be shared between William Shatner, Britney Spears, Tom Jones and James Caan. Beyonce rejected the hair, but Jay-zee said he might wear him for a day.

Spector who has been nutty as Squeaky Frome for years, has asked to be put in celebrity prison - the curent home of O.J Simpson and former home of Martha Stewart.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: wigs, Phil Spector

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more