Meghan McCain's Juicy Tell-All Book

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 10 April 2009

image for Meghan McCain's Juicy Tell-All Book
Meghan McCain shown during her appearance on "The View" when she told America that Laura Ingraham can kiss her ass.

PHOENIX - Meghan McCain, the 24-year-old daughter of Senator John McCain and Cindy McCain reports that she received a very lucrative six-figure book deal from The Lower Grand Canyon Publishing Company.

Meghan's 493 page book is entitled, Gee Opie (GOP) - The Mayberry Republicans.

In her book she takes shots at every well-known Republican from Governor Sarah Palin to Ann Coulter and from Rudy Guliani to Donald Rumsfeld.

Meghan reveals some never before known factual secrets and secretive facts about the world of the GOPers that not even her mom and dad knew.

For example, in chapter 4, she reveals that all throughout the 2008 presidential campaign Sarah Palin always wore her husband Todd's underwear. She said that by her wearing Todd's boxer shorts that it gave her a sense of being able to think in a manly way.

"Snowflake" Sarah felt that it helped her to look at perspective male voters as good old boys (like her) instead of adversarial dudes like Joe Biden.

In chapter 9, she tells about Ann Coulter opening up to her while sitting at a Starbucks in Toledo, Ohio, and confiding in her that she had not had a date (with a guy) since the seventh grade.

She also disclosed that everyone thinks that she (Coulter) weighs 87 pounds, but she actually only weighs 84.

McCain states in chapter 11, that ex-New York mayor Rudy Guliani has had a secret crush on the Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi since Labor Day, 2008.

He even confessed to her that he has an autographed 8 by 10 photo of Pelosi dressed in a skimpy bikini swimsuit that he keeps locked up in his lower left office desk drawer.

Meghan also talks about Glenn Beck and how he seems to think that he is the Brad Pitt of talk show hosts. She said that this past Valentine's Day he sent her thirteen red roses.

She was surprised as to why thirteen and then she read the card which said: My Dear Sweet Meg, I have sent you thirteen red roses. If you take one away and toss it in the trash can, you will still have one dozen red roses. (signed) Glenn the Wreck.

One question that Meghan says she is asked more than any other is if Sarah Palin is really as manly and as masculine as she acts.

And Meghan replies that she knows "Snowplow" Palin very well and that little Sarah just wants to be one of the boys so bad that when she is off hunting moose in the wilderness of Alaska she actually wears a jock strap.

Meghan reveals in chapter 18, that Sarah Palin, who loves being called "Saracuda" strangely and ersatzly takes on a masculine personality, once she is sitting in some deer blind waiting for an innocent caribou, elk, moose, or reindeer to saunter by.

Palin will spit on the floor, cuss like a sailor, and scratch her third base just as if she's one of the good old boys.

In chapter 20, Meghan talks candidly about the so-called weapons of mass destruction that Emperor Bush talked about. She writes that the only weapons of mass destruction that existed were Georgy Bush, Dicky Cheney, and Donnie Rumsfeld.

Meghan will be starting a 96-city book-signing tour beginning in early May. She says that she is already negotiating with Paramount Pictures for the movie rights.

When Miss McCain was asked which is her favorite beer, she smiled and said, "Why it's my mommy's beer Budweiser."*

* Cindy McCain owns one of the largest Budweiser Beer distributorships in the country. And up until recently, Meghan McCain drove one of her mom's beer trucks.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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