Former small time boxer and bouncer, Bruno "The Bruno" Bratcher has been arrested by Forgytown police and remanded in custody tonight in Boogertown jail for 'just being too amazingly ugly'.
Mr. Bratcher was travelling south on the 231 when he was seen by a Farley County Police squad car, looking directly out of the drivers window of his Ford Fiesta.
"I can confirm that Bruno, or as we call him "Bruno" has been taken into custody tonight", stated Sheriff Crabtoe. "He is currently in consultation with a cosmetic surgeon we had sent over."
"Under the provisions of the Ugly People's Act 2007, Mr Bratcher can not be allowed to be seen on public highways. Some people come in chere like a big car company decidin to locate chere and provide us with jobs and see his mug, ooooh weee!"
Since his final appearance as a bouncer and stomper in 1980, Bratcher is known to have aged quite a few years. His sunflower ears, his massive forehead, two different colored and sized eyes and his peculiar looking jaw line have all been known to stop clocks, frighten little children, cause women to miscarry and lead grown men to suddenly run outside and upchuck in the yard or on the street.
Mr Bratcher's girlfriend Willie Dolly Woosley is said to be on her way to the station to insist that he is not released tonight nor be allowed to look in a mirror until a plastic surgeon can give the county a bid on the job.
"We're taking several bids so we can get the best deal, but I just know this is gonna cost the county plenty", stated Sheriff Crabtoe. "We've also released our other prisoners to surrounding county jails because of that 'cruel and unusual punishment deal'."
