Condoleezza Rice Gets Her Own TV Show

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 25 January 2009


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Condoleezza Rice and George Bush. Bush has said publicly that in the photo he was picturing Condi in a bikini swimsuit

NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana - Now that she is no longer the secretary of state Condoleezza Rice has signed a contract with the Fox Network to have her own cooking television show.

The show is being developed by the famed Ingrediential Culinaryistic Cuisine Group, which is based in New Orleans. ICCG is the same agency that helped to launch Emeril Lagasse's and Rachel Ray's cooking shows.

Fox Network officials have not yet decided on the show's name. They have narrowed the prospective list down from 17 names to three names.

The three remaining choices are:

  • The Good Lookin' Cookin' Condi Cookin' Show
  • Rice Food For Thought And Eating
  • Cookin' Up A Storm With Stir-Fried Condi Rice

The producer of the show is Wilfredo Bienvenu, a 24-year-old cooking show genius from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada, who has achieved nationwide fame for producing such food-related television specials as:

  1. Paris Hilton's Cookies - Small But Tasty
  2. Two Dozen New and Easy Ways To Prepare Sardines
  3. Popcorn - The Other, Other White Meat
  4. Okra - And Yes It Most Certainly Does Go With Ice Cream
  5. Seedless Enchiladas - Fantastic Concept or Merely Just a Culinary Myth?
  6. How You Can Make Simple Everyday Baby Peas Taste Like Filet Mignon Just By Using Tap Water, Two Fast Food Ketchup Packets, and Three Sesame Seeds
  7. Buffalo Wings - No Not The Chippewa Chief, The Food
  8. Spam and How Exactly It Has Managed To Replace Brisket in Parts of Kentucky
  9. Pretzels - How, When, and More Importantly Why Denmark Has Legally Designated Them as a Sex Toy
  10. Baking With Basic Water: Is Wetter Really Better?

Bienvenu has stated that Ms. Rice's show will be unlike the cooking shows of Emeril Lagasse, Rachel Ray, and Paul Prudhomme, in that those three individuals concentrate mostly on Cajun and Creole cuisine.

He added that Emeril, Rachel, and Paul's show are set in the same old boring studio kitchen sets. Ms. Rice's show, however will be filmed all over the world and she will appear in some of the most famous kitchens in the world.

Another aspect of the new show will be that each week it will feature a different guest celebrity chef or famous celebrity.

The very first show will be filmed in the Buckingham Palace kitchen and will feature Queen Elizabeth who will demonstrate for the first time how she cooks her world-famous 'Queen's Crown Spaghetti Stroganoff Stir-Fried in Scalloped Shrimp Strudel.'

The queen will also bake her all-time favorite dish, which Russel Brand has referred to as "The best damn dish of food I have ever eaten in my quasi dysfunctional life."

The dish which is made from a recipe that was handed down from Mrs. Christopher Columbus to her great, great grandmother is called, 'Cauliflower Piccalilli Semi-Smothered in Jellied Eels and Garnished with Wellington-Yorkshire Marinated Minced Mutton.'

The second show of the series will take place in the kitchen of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon which was built by Nebuchadnezzar II around 570 B.C. and repainted by Sherwin Williams in 1977. The guest celebrity will be Heidi Klum.

And the third show will be filmed in the kitchen of the Great Pyramid of Giza which was built as the tomb of fourth dynasty Eqyptian Pharaoh Khufu (no relation to Emperor Tofu).

Omar Sharif will be on hand to make cooking comments, offer condiment advice, and make salacious suggestions.

Condoleezza Rice's cooking show will be sponsored by McDonald's, Exxon-Mobil, M&M's, Always Pantiliners, and Oscar Mayer Baloney.

In related news. Condoleezza Rice recently revealed to Matt Lauer on the Today Show that as a child growing up in Alabama she became addicted to salt.

She said that instead of playing with dolls like all the other little girls she would play with empty containers of Morton's Salt.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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