Written by Morse

Friday, 9 January 2009

image for Pelosi: There Can Only Be 1 President at a Time...and IT'S ME!
Democrat Political Mafia Momma Pelosi Accepts Presidential Reins from Outgoing GOP Leadership!

San Francisco,Ca./ Rolling Stone - House Speaker Nancy Pelosi increased her stranglehold on American Government today with the announcement that she will be in CHARGE , at least for the next 11 days...and maybe longer if she has her way!

Continuing her string pulling in murky back rooms, and in the porti potty in which Rep. John Murtha conducts his play for pay congressional bargaining, Federal Prosecutors now say the Pelosi Political Crime Family is the most powerful organized threat to American Ideals.

Political watchers say the tentacles of the Pelosi Power-base is now reaching further than the wildly liberal base in San Francisco where her early role as a Democratic Mafia Captain jump started her political rise over the bodies of conservative opponents.

The Pelosi Gang now controls almost all aspects of everyday life in America.
Through her control of the House Banking Committee and Barney Frank, and the Senate Banking Committee with Connecticut Senator Dodd, Pelosi determines who gets mortgage loans, or needed cash to keep their small business afloat.

With her diabolical control over Sec. of Treasury Paulson, some say due to photographic evidence of the Secretary in a clandestine men's room meeting with former senator Larry Craig, she now controls cash flow to the nation's largest corporations, all of whom seek audience with the Madam, and are eager to kneel and kiss her ring.

Secret FBI reports also reveal that Pelosi holds THE ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE of President Elect Barry Obama, and he has been more than happy to stand aside and let The Madam call the shots!

Those "shots" now include the formation of the world's largest bureaucratic payroll, the addition of at least 600,000 more government paid drones to redundant government oversight committees, and the hiring of every Harvard Graduate who lost their jobs as Hedge Fund Managers, or were under the threat of indictment in the Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac Mortgage Fall Out.

Her spearheading of "The Fairness Doctrine" have all but assured the demise of conservative talk radio and any media dissent to her policies now that 99% of newspapers are either bankrupt, or been taken over with Government Bailout Money and the establishment of a liberal media oversight committee headed by Media Czar, Chris Matthews.

Pelosi has assured the demise of the CIA and the county's early warning system to prevent terrorist attacks with the recent appointment of Larry King as CIA Director, John Kerry, D,Ma as Navy Secretary, former Ma. Governor Dukakis as Army Secretary, and freshman Senator Al Franken as head of the Armed Services Committee.

She has also been instrumental in starting proceedings against Viet Nam Navy Pilot, Sen. John McCain, questioning why he allowed himself to become a POW, did not commit suicide during his 5 year incarceration in a North Vietnamese prison, and his unprovoked bombing of SAM missile sites that were declared "off limits" by Jane Fonda.

Along with Energy Czar, former President Bill Clinton, and due to his close personal relationships with the United Arab Emirates, Saudi Arabia, and other oil producing nations, Pelosi know controls the tap that can turn off or on the oil pipeline to the US, and some say to the world, giving her even more immense power.

With Secretary of State Hillary Clinton doing deals for herself and Bill, and cutting Pelosi in for 25%, she seems to be in total control of the now impotent US.

Pelosi has vowed to dissolve NATO, and has called a meeting at her second home in American Somoa, where she has a rambling 25,000 square foot ocean front home and tuna processing plant , to form a new world coalition.

Leaders from Venezuela, Bolivia, Cuba, Argentina, Somalia, Iran, Pakistan, UAE, and Kuwait are expected to attend the important convention, which Pelosi aides said "would reshape the world, as we know it!"

Meanwhile, Pelosi has dispatched Obama on peace seeking missions to the war torn inner cities of Detroit, Chicago, Philadelphia, and Newark, to threaten Democrat Mayors with IRS audits unless they get their voting base "under control."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
38 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more