Written by Pointer

Friday, 9 January 2009

image for US Army Informs Bereaved families with To Whom It May Concern Text Message
In this condition, Uncle Sam doesn't want you any more

As the US economy crashes and Bush administration officials run for cover, the military protocol for informing families of dead sons and daughters seems to have lost some of its sensitivity.

In better times, a personal visit to the home with a well prepared team of bereavement experts on hand to share the delicate details of exploded limbs and unfortunately busted guts was the Army way.

Recently tough economic times and apathetic Bush appointees in flight have resorted to a form letter, which reads:

    To Whom It May Concern,

    A certain individual who will remain nameless because specific names cost more has been blasted to hell in the war in (insert Afghanistan or Iraq or any other of America's multiple armed conflicts). We have reason to believe that said corpse may be somehow associated with your kith or kin or in some way may owe you money. Any way s/he is dead, gone to s/he's heavenly reward. singing in the choir triumphant...s/he is an ex- GI.

    So sorry,

    Uncle Sam

    PS In this condition Uncle Sam Doesn't want him/her any more

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: US Army, Texting

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
93 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more