New York, NY: The Secretary General of the United Nations (UN) announced today that their world headquarters will be relocated from New York City to Gaza.
Hamas has offered the UN a choice piece of tax free real estate and recently remodeled buildings, available for immediate occupancy, close to the Israeli border. The UN will have a 99 year lease at one dollar per year rent. Hamas officials said that "24 hour security comes with the property." The security teams will be made up of Hamas fighters wearing Burkas or green scarves and wigs to look like women. Their AK 47 rifles and homicide belts will be discreetly hidden from view. A Mosque, hospital and children's day nursery are nearby, to be used by the security force for hiding when their disguises are discovered.
The "skyrocketing" price of real estate in Gaza, along with a "booming" return on such investments allows the UN to get in on the "ground floor."
A spokesman for Hamas Real Estate LLC said that "the vacated UN property on the East River in Manhattan will be converted to river view condominiums. The proceeds from the sale will be used to pay bribes to various UN officials."