Written by Jimmy Imbriani

Wednesday, 26 May 2004

image for Bush unveils new Iraqi strategy, praises himself
" I will not tolerate any more critisism on our strategy, I'm a Goddamn Guru" said Bush to reporters

With poll numbers reaching historic lows, President Bush struck back yesterday unveiling the new Iraqi strategy.

"We will hand over power to Iraqis on June 30 and that is a promise, as long as we find someone to hand over power to". "Our preferred Iraqi up till now (Mr Chalabi) proved a con-man. We knew that he's a crook but now its public, so even I cannot ignore the public outrage and appoint him. Though I'm tempted. But we have a contingency plan. We have published a job ad in next week's Economist. I'm sure we're gonna have a shitload of applicants."

"I will not tolerate any more criticism on our strategy" an irritated Bush told reporters." You should not doubt my abilities, after all I managed to put up a coalition, remember? Ha. Beat that."

"The coalition was is and will always be ready to defend liberty and America's right to bomb back to the stone-age any third world country it wishes WHEN it wishes to do so. Including Latvia and Tarababoukistan the coalition's headcount is 34. "

"Seconds ago Nobola Islands joined in, as its sole inhabitant and Prime Minister called Colin (Powell) and pledged his support. There you go, we are 35 and growing stronger by the minute" G.W Bush told the press. " Who needs Germany, France, China and Russia when you can count on Lesotho and Belize for military support to twist a rogue arm" the President challenged stunned reporters.

"Don't talk to me about foreign policy. I'm a goddamn guru when it comes to international relations." Bush boasted.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Numbers

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