Illinois Senator Barack Obama, the presumptive nominee for president, has been found to be satanic by a research group.
The independent research group, "Republicans for Rule of the World," said that based on their evidence, Obama is satanic because he often times doesn't wear an American flag pin on his lapel.
"He don't care 'bout 'merica," said John Pickens, leader of the independent group. "He obviously hates this country, and probably worships the devil or one of them weird Muslim gods!"
Pickens, who was at one time the founder of another independent group, "George W. Bush is the best President ever," also said that an American flag pin was so important to him, that it was ridiculous that someone would refuse to
When asked why he himself wasn't wearing a flag pin, the 38-year-old Pickens got a disgruntled look on his face and stared at the ground in silence.
When asked about the reason he calls his group "independent," he said it was because they loved America and "knew what was best for the country."
Pickens' group wasn't the only one to criticize the future Democratic candidate.
The corporately-owned news media has been talking about the Illinois senator's refusal to wear a pin since last October. Obama said that after 9/11, he stopped wearing the pin because it became a "substitute for real patriotism."
Interestingly enough, those in the media that have openly criticized Obama were also not wearing American flag pins. This kind of hypocrisy is stunning considering how the news media always does such hard-hitting news stories about Britney Spears and other important celebrities. The idea that maybe they also hate America is quite a shocker.
Pickens' wife, Stacy, agrees with her husband that not wearing the pin says a lot about Obama and his policies.
"Screw him if he won't salute this great country and show respect for it," she said. "We select our leaders by what flag pins they wear in this country!"
Stacy was also not wearing a flag pin.
Some people have questioned the validity of the flag pin and have wondered whether wearing one makes you a patriot or not.
John Smith, an automotive work, said that American flag pins are a poor way to express one's patriotism.
"Who cares about some cheap little pin?" Smith asked. "Damn thing is probably made in China anyway!"
He also said that the media should get back to talking about issues that really matter this year, like whether or not Britney Spears is ready for a comeback, or if Paris Hilton will get busted again.
While this political fashion debate is not likely to end anytime soon, Pickens feels like he has the solution.
"The president should be required to wear a red, white and blue suit," he said. "Stars and stripes baby!"
By Tyler James Perry