Olsen twins to marry Olsen brothers

Written by ej moore

Sunday, 23 May 2004

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The twin vixens with their fiances.

HOLLYWOOD - Popular twins Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen announced over the weekend they were finalizing the details for June nuptials with European superstar brothers, Jorgen and Niels "Noller" Olsen.

After an extensive genealogy search to make sure the brides and grooms were not closely related, it was discovered that the twins were actually fourth cousins to the brothers.

"That's far enough removed for our satisfaction," said the twins' parents. "They turn 18 on June 13th and the weddings will take place the following day."

The Olsen Brothers, a popular duo who appeared in a 1972 production of Hair, met the twins while starring in a revival of the musical where Ashley and Mary Kate were cast as "naked, dancing hippie girls" who cavort with Jorgen and Niels in a fantasy number created especially for the production.

A source close to the brothers said they are looking forward to their honeymoons at the plush Denmark nudist colony, Behoge Straks Køn.

"Jørgen is so mature and not at all like the vapid beefcakes we meet at celebrity functions," said Mary Kate. "Plus, we won't have to change or hyphenate our names."

"We are a solid brand in the market," said Ashley. "These unions will no doubt please our shareholders."

Often mistaken as vacuous bimbos, sources close to the Olsen twins report that their business savvy is unparalleled in the entertainment industry. Also reported is their love for kinky Danish sex talk.

"Din mor var god i nat, men din far var bedre," Ashley was heard whispering to a nearby reporter. "and you can quote me on that."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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