Osama Supports Bush Re-election

Funny story written by Al-Qeida for Bush

Friday, 21 May 2004

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In a startling new development Osama Bin Laden displays support and respect for President Bush and is taking an active role in campaigning for his re-election
Published below is the actual fundraising letter used by Bin Laden to solicit support from millions of Republican contributors. What more surprising is that the White House is encouraging the support.

Bush was unable to be reached for this story but White House spokesperson Scott McClellan was quoted as saying that "Americans should not be surprised, Bush ran as a uniter not a divider." He went on to say that this new found support is evidence a new "BIG TENT" campaign strategy.

Senator John McCain is reportedly speechless; he has declined comment. McCain is seeking an immediate face to face meeting with Presidential Candidate John Kerry and will accept the number two spot on the Democratic ticket.

Below is the letter which has is generating furor inside the beltway.

Dear Bush Supporter,

It has come to my attention that you are a fellow traveller. The nation is in greater need for the likes of you and I than it has ever been. It is no longer enough to love your country - Now is the time to turn your love into action.

You can be of assistance to the Red White and Blue in the following ways
* Host a Bush fund-raiser - Be creative. If you have children encourage their friends to come over and empty their piggy banks. What greater lesson can you give to a child than the lesson of sacrifice for a greater good.
* Write letters to your local newspaper, show your support. We are increasingly under attack by a venomous network of liberal communist sympathizers. They are traitorously close to siding with the enemy on issues such as taxation, government regulation, and GODS place in the schools.
* Volunteer, Volunteer, Volunteer - and when you are done volunteer again.
* Encourage high school graduates in your school district to enroll in the armed services. One of the great regrets that George W; Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and Paul Wolfowitz have expressed to me is the loss that they feel at having never served in the armed forces. I myself have. It has been the greatest experience of my life.
* Finally - if all else fails; create an enemy. Instill fear in likely voters. Let them know that to vote for anyone other than Bush will result in the destruction of our great country.

You may be wondering why I, Osama Bin Laden, "public enemy number one" is such an avid Bush supporter. Truth is that George and I go way back. We were introduced at Yale where I was a very serious student. George changed all that. It was George who introduced me to the Beer Bong and the one hit.
While the other students were up in arms either supporting or protesting the war in Vietnam it was George who expressed his life's philosophy to me in two simple words, "SHIT HAPPENS". I have never forgotten that lesson.

Although I have been perceived as a terrorist by many; in truth I am simply a strong Republican. The party needed an issue to galvanize around : I supplied them with national security.

I wish the greatest for you and yours,


Osama Bin Laden

On the condition of anonymity, senior White House Official Karl Rove states "now that Ahmed Chalbi has been discredited it is increasingly important that we reach out to the Arabic community." Bin Laden apparently is the flavor of the moment at the White House. Pundits nationwide believe that Bush's re-election campaign has suffered a crippling blow with the poorly though out strategy.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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