Station Manager: "I Had no Idea Imus was a Racist Wop"

Funny story written by tzdan

Friday, 27 June 2008

image for Station Manager: "I Had no Idea Imus was a Racist Wop"

NEW YORK, NY - David White, station manager of WABC New York, is claiming ignorance as a defense after finding himself at the center of the latest debacle involving shock-jock Don Imus.

Imus has found himself in hot water once again over racially charged comments made on air. His supervisor, White, insists that he knew nothing whatsoever about the controversial disc-jockey prior to his hiring at WABC and didn't know that he was taking a risk by letting Imus broadcast live.

"I promise that I had no idea that Don Imus was a racist Wop," said White in a brief press statement. "Had I known he was a Pinko bigot I never would have allowed him on air. Honestly, I hadn't even heard about those supposedly infamous comments that he made about those poor women on the Rutgers basketball team until now.

"My heart goes out to those skanky dykes and biatches for the distress that Don Imus caused them."

White also attempted to deflect criticism by stating that he had not actually been involved in the hiring of Imus.

"I didn't even hire Don Imus," said White. "I let my assistant do it. Let me tell you, that's the last time I let that greasy Spic make an important decision again. One more move like that and it's back to the fryer at the Macho Nacho for you Jorge!"

White's assistant, George Andopolos, also released a brief statement, attempting to clarify his role in this latest Imus debacle.

"I did indeed hire Don Imus as a broadcaster here at WABC," said Andopolos. "But before I made the hiring I followed protocol by giving Mr. White a full briefing on Mr. Imus' prior history. He said that Imus' notoriety would help bring in listeners, and that he was sure that any prior controversies had been resolved. He then requested that I go ahead with the hiring.

"I swear, most of the time this White guy doesn't even know what's going on around here. Really, no matter how many times I tell him I'm Greek, he still calls me a dirty Mexican."

White, however, asserts that the problem has been dealt with.

"Mr. Imus is resigning from his post, and will be replaced with a sensitive and compassionate on-air personality," said White. "I promise that we here at WABC will do all we can in our hiring process to ensure that we screen out the individuals who display such blatant disregard for cultural sensitivity. Believe me when I say there is no place for racists, bigots, or Jews here at WABC."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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