Washington DC, June 15, 2016: King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia has requested a meeting with President McCain concerning the high price of a bushel of corn. Dubbed the Geriatric Summit, these two leaders will meet at Camp David next week.
During their meeting President McCain is expected to tell the king the USA will not raise corn production and that Saudi Arabia must curb its appetite for corn. Speculators in farm commodity futures appear to have driven the price of corn up from $8.00 to $100.00 per bushel in less than a year. Wall Street gurus believe it is only supply and demand at work in the marketplace. Wheat prices have been unaffected.
The Major American Corn Exporters (MACE), the USA, Canada, Argentina and Australia (close enough) formed this alliance in 2008 to compete with the high price of crude oil. The idea was to form a cartel to control the price of corn and create a corn for oil program with Middle East oil producing countries. The chairman of MACE is always from Kansas.
A fusion reactor breakthrough occurred in the USA in 2009, such that every country in the world has become energy independent, as the USA shared the technology. This power source is completely green, having no pollutants. The world's industries, economies and transportation means were transformed in five years to be totally electric (1 cent per kilowatt hour). The price of crude oil dropped to $10.00 per barrel, where it remains today.
There are still a few environmental nuts from the Flat Earth Society who say that planet Earth's aura is being interfered with by the fusion process. Pundits believe this is a coded message that means "their world sucks."
A spokesperson for the American Cattlemen's Association (ACA) said that the corn feed problem has been weathered. It seems that cattle love beer brewery leftovers. Happy cows don't just come from California anymore! People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) thought their victory over humans eating cows was at hand. Alas, PETA was wrong.
The beer brewing industry notes a 40% increase in the number of new breweries that only use wheat, rice or other grains. The high price of corn did what the Federal Revenuers couldn't do in the 1930's, wiped out the Southern white lightening industry (corn liquor).
How is the American public dealing with this crisis? Corn stalks can be seen sprouting up where lush lawns used to grow. Kids are eating puffed wheat at the movies. Mexican food Restaurants have taken a severe hit in income, as wheat Tacos and wheat Burritos taste like they are made of used oats. That is, unless you have a liking for bad Tex/Mex food. Also wheat corn pone (Johnny cake) tastes more like corn porn.
