Washington, D.C. -- The federal government released the results of an eight-month study into the digestibility of candy corn today.
"It is a fact that candy corn does indeed digest rather completely as opposed to real corn," stated Andy Johnson, spokesperson for the study. "However, these results should not be construed as an endorsement of candy corn over natural corn," he went on to add.
The study was prompted by one of the researcher's children, interestingly enough. According to the researcher, his youngest child seemed fascinated by the fact that even after eating and digesting corn on the cob, tell tale signs of incomplete digestion were always present in her feces. "I explained to her at the time that undigested corn in her feces was quite normal, that it happens with everyone," the lead researcher went on to explain.
However, when the researcher's child claimed that candy corn digested better than real corn a couple of weeks later, he knew then that she was on to something special.
"We were just one day away from losing our eligibility for a 2.5 million dollar federal research grant," he explained, "when it dawned on us at the lab that this could be the focus of further research. The rest is history."
Eight months later, the results are in: candy corn does indeed digest completely, whereas natural corn does not.
