In a surprise announcement today, the Reverend Jess Jackson claimed that he 'was not black', and that he was just a dull and unimportant American chancer, with no brains or power.
Speaking from his 85-bedroom palace in Atlanta, Archbishop Jackson said: 'Well, y'all, mm mm, woo!, youza, uh-huh, yeah baby. No way is this stereotyping to get votes, no way Jimi Hendrix, or ya'll might as well call me Obama McBama.'
Rumours that Pope Jackson is only famous for the colour of his skin, and for being anti-Semitic, have repeatedly been denied by his agent, Klaus von Eichmann, and further rumours that Obama 'Woo!' Barack is not even famous have also been denied, again by Mr. Eickson.
Political analysts in Europe have suggested that 'Jackson, Obama, et al, are stuck in the 1700s, who cares about a bit of suntan?', although others have said that 'voting due to being black is about as relevant as voting due to your favourite type of cheese.' But in a final twist, Senator Hillary Rodham-Lewinsky, speaking from her psychiatrist's office in Nigeria, said: 'I'm black! I'm black! Look at me! Look at me!!'
Mount Everest declined to comment on Mrs. Lewinton's remarks, but Mr. Jackson added 'Watch it, whitey, or you don't get mah vote, ya heah. The only good racism is black racism.'
President of Israel, Albert Thingy, also added: 'If Jesse is so tough, tell him to meet me at the Wailing Wall next Tuesday for a wee discussion, he'll last about 2 minutes. I'll soon make him black - black and blue. He's all talk and race, but we're all voting Republican.'
Dr. Martin Luther King Jnr. is turning in his grave.
