American President George W. Bush today announced what he calls a "Comprehensive Plan" to pay off the nine trillion dollar US debt.
Mr. Bush's plan relies on key funding in the amount of 9 trillion dollars which he says is being provided by a wealthy widow who has been trapped in a hotel room in West Africa by her nefarious and murderous uncle, who killed her husband.
By generously offering to assist this widow Mr. Bush has "most assuredly" secured the funding he needs to retire the US debt. There are reportedly "only a few" more bank fees, transfer obligations, shipping charges, legal fees and other such expenses that must be paid and the nine trillion dollars will be transferred into Mr. George W. Bush's private and personal bank account.
Mr. Bush was contacted by the wealthy widow via email, following a revelation made to her by Jesus that Mr. Bush is an honest, Christian and God-fearing man who can be trusted utmostedly to remain confidential and deal honestly with a poor widow's vast fortune at a time when she is in such dire need of the help of one so fine a man. All Mr. Bush had to do was email her a scan of his passport and the numbers of his bank accounts and send her a Western Union moneygram for US/$10,000 plus a few other things which have since come up making it thus far impossible to transfer the widow's vast wealth to Mr. Bush's account, but it will all be cleared up soon, right after Mr. Bush sends another payment and then the US debt will be all paid off and the country will be safe.
Economists and political associates of Mr. Bush were overjoyed at the good news.