Parachute of D. B. Cooper Identified

Funny story written by Richard L Sharp

Monday, 14 April 2008

While speculation that a newly uncovered parachute was that of the infamous D. B. Cooper, hopes were dashed when the material and age of the parachute proved it could not have been used by D. B. Cooper.

However, an even older mystery surrounds the unearthed parachute.

In the late '1940s' a small airplane was reported overdue. The pilot, William Ifu (eye-foo), never reached his destination. Coincidentally, the parachute found is in the search area conducted after William was reported missing.

Before his disappearance the Chinese-American led a controversial life.

Throughout his education and career William Ifu was dogged with novelty and notoriety when his name was listed on paper. William was especially sensitive to his last name jokingly misspelled to read, 'If you Will.'

The 'joke' so permeated the region that local news anchors would interject the phrase, 'if you will' into their broadcast. This practice captivated national news broadcasters to mimic the behavior not realizing they were only mocking a battered man.

The humiliation for William compounded with his large size and emerging disease 'hypertrichosis' known as the wolf-man syndrome.

Speculation was he had intentionally disappeared to live out his life in the vast wilderness of the West as a hermit. With the parachute found buried this hypothesis seems probable.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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