In a statement today by Republican candidate Mike "Huck Finn" Huckabee, he adamantly denied receiving monies from the makers of hillbilly teeth, the giant business conglomerate "Dr. Bukk Teeth" headquartered in Georgia.
In a filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission, the multi billion dollar company, which primarily garners most of it's profits in states like Arkansas, Mississippi, and Alabama, the company noted payments totaling 2.75 million dollars to Huckabee's campaign, and use of the companies' "Tooth Jet" for extended trips to Ottumwa Iowa, Ittabena, Mississippi, and Hogwart, Arkansas, Huckabee's birth place.
The "Dr. Bukk" company routinely searches out individuals whose teeth, or lack of teeth make funny and innovative models to sell for laughs at parties. Past selections from individuals have produced such famous models as the original Dr. Bukk, Summer Teeth (some are there some are not), Sole Survivor, Elton Fang, Count Bukkula, and of course the most famous "The Arkinsaw Incestor."
In this filing, the "Dr. Bukk" company alleges they paid a selection fee to Huckabee in the amount of 2.75 million for rights to market his smile in what is to be the "Huckabee Superbeaver." In what spokespersons for Dr. Bukk Company described as a sure winner, the company acknowledged the payments to Huckabee were a bit exorbitant, as the company usually either pays the person selected in beer, tobacco, a used mobile home, shotgun, bass boat, or tickets to a NASCAR race.
The company adamantly denies assertions by the SEC that Huckabee is also paid what company officials describe as a "guffaw smile performance fee" where Huckabee shows no discretion is displaying a full frontal smile, accompanied by guttural hee haw laughs, with appropriate belly laugh gyrations. Supposedly Huckabee is paid 1000.00 for each of the "Guffaws."
This reporter reviewed tapes in several campaign locations in which Huckabee was attending funerals in Iowa and as soon as cameras are turned on erupts in numerous "Guffaws", despite the mood of the other participants, at these very somber events. Also, Huckabee is observed slapping his knee with his hands, indicating he is very amused by the proceedings.
There may be more to come in this investigation. It was learned late today, and acknowledge by the Dr. Bukk company that Janet Huckabee, Mike Huckabee's wife, was paid hundreds of thousands of dollars for the lyrics to songs she supposedly authored that are disputed by members of the musicians guild in Nashville, Tennessee. Two of the songs, "you stole my wife you horse thief" and "mommy is in love with Jesus" appear to be central in this ongoing investigation.
When Candidate Huckabee was asked about these latest assertions he erupted with a ten minute episode of guttural laughter and full frontal smiles.
Huckabee's next campaign stop was in Nashua, New Hampshire where Huckabee is trying to gain entry into the Guinness Book of World Records. He is pitted against a adult male beaver and will attempt to show the power of his teeth by sawing down a mature giant red oak faster than the beaver.
