Fed Steps Up Mattress Safety Tag Removal Enforcement

Funny story written by drugtestallpoliticians

Monday, 17 December 2007

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Washington D.C. (IPP) - The Federal Mattress Tag Removal Enforcement Division (FMTRED) working under the office of the Secretary of the Interior announced today that it is stepping up enforcement of mattress tag removal violations.

Lead FMTRED scientist, Dr. David Blackshear, told a press conference that computer chips have been put into the mattress tags and that satellite technology could pinpoint violations of the mattress tag laws anywhere inside the United States.

FMTRED enforcement personnel have been dispatched all over the country and will begin carrying out raids in the early morning hours when most violators will be asleep and less likely to cause harm to the agents conducting no-knock warrants and operations that will be carried out by FMTRED SWAT teams. Each SWAT team also carries a medical technician that would help anyone that gets injured during these operations.

The penalty for removal of the tags carries a possible 10 year Federal prison sentence and up to a $100,000 fine.

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