Evel Kneivel's Hearse Clears Record 30 Gravestones

Funny story written by Heewack

Wednesday, 12 December 2007


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BUTTE, Montana (Heewack News Network)-- The hearse carrying the body of famed stuntrider Evel Kneivel cleared a record 30 gravestones at his burial site, providing a spectacular ending to a solemn service and a storied career.

As hearse driver Elmo Mullett of Mullett and Sons Funeral Home approached the burial site at Li'l Bighorn Cemetery, he broke free of the 200-car/motorcycle procession, sped up to 90 miles per hour and used the curb as a launch ramp.

"He hit the approach perfectly," said longtime Kneivel friend Luke "Gofer" Broke, who served as a pallbearer. "He got absolutely spectacular air."

Mullett cleared a record 30 gravestones. The previous record was 28, set in 1976 by the late Bill "Hey, Watch This" Bobagence.

"It was a tribute that Evel himself would have loved," said Lisa Crapshoot, a longtime Kneivel fan who once flashed her breasts at the stuntrider's infamous 1974 attempt to clear the Snake River Canyon. "I'm sure that he enjoyed the jump lying back there in the hearse wagon."

Mullett failed to clear the 31st headstone, sending the hearse cartwheeling into a nearby tree where the hearse exploded into flames to raucous cheers from onlookers.

Funeral services for Mullett and his brother, also named Elmo Mullett, who was a passenger in the hearse, are scheduled for later this week.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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