Al Gore, Nobel Prize recipient, Oscar winner, U.S. Vice President and extreme environmental wacko spokesperson, today announced he has a solution to the overuse of energy by the U.S., which he thinks also causes global warming. Gore's solution is an alternate energy source he calls "pedal power". Pedal power is clean. Pedal power is free. Pedal power is good for the environment. What is pedal power?
Pedal power is derived from 2 pedals circulating around a chain driven driveshaft mounted on a lightweight aluminum frame. Most people know it as a bicycle.
Al Gore wants Americans to give up the car in favor of the bicycle.
George SoreAss, an 11-year-old software billionaire and spokesperson for the anti-human environmental group, Planet Without People, states, "As long as we have to have people on the planet let them all ride bikes. Let them use pedal power. With pedal power there'll be no more gas guzzling cars polluting the environment and causing global warming. Just bicycles. Bicycles are cool and they don't pollute. I ride mine to school everyday!"
Washington politicians, who have the mentality and attention span of a rich 11-year-old, agree. Congress thinks the pedal power/bicycle concept is a great idea too and is hard at work thinking up ways to take away your car.
On the subject of pedal power, the U.S. Secretary of Obesity, Lotta Pounds, weighs in with, "Oh my, yes. Al Gore is not only handsome and brilliant but he's overweight too! And pedal power sounds like just what America needs to fight pollution, global warming AND obesity. Forcing people to ride a bike everywhere will cause them to lose weight, get lots of exercise and be healthier. That sounds like a good thing. Of course, politicians will be exempt because they are such important people, mostly to themselves."
Pedal power is another wacky environmentally friendly energy solution, brought to you by the world's most famous wacky environmentalist. Coincidentally, Gore recently signed a $10-million-a-year deal to endorse and promote the American Bicycle Manufacturers, whose bicycles are, of course, made in China
copyright 2007 Andrew Lawrence