Bush Proposes "No Child Left Alive" Initiative

Funny story written by Evan Essence

Thursday, 4 October 2007


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You elected him...twice!

Washington, D.C Following his veto of the Child's Health Initiative, George Bush countered with his own proposal...The "No Child Left Alive Initiative." Health experts point out that Bush's veto will literally mean the difference between life and death for many infants from lower income families, who will be left without adequate health care.

Harvard Professor of Political Science, Barney Hampton, remarked "Lets be clear that the veto of this bill had nothing to do with its $30 billion price tag. Do you think that an administration that spends $6 billion / month on the War in Iraq, and just spent $459 billion on the pentagon budget, would think anything about spending a few more $ billion on a popular program like this?"

"There is a reason," Professor Hampton continued, "but it goes much deeper to the structural foundations of the Republican Party. Beneath the surface level of Racists, Charletans and Corrupt Bastards who constitute majority of Republican politicians, the real power brokers behind the Republican Party are the lobbyists for the Tobacco Industry. And the Child's Health Initiative which Bush vetoed, would have been funded by a $1 per pack cigarette tax."

"GOP House Whip Roy Blunt is now married to tobacco lobbyist Abigail Perlman", Professor Hampton added. "And that is why although the Republicans in the Senate voted to override Bush's veto, the Republicans in the House refused to support the Child's Health Initiative."

"Do you think that people who make their living selling cancer sticks," Professor Hampton asked, "would care at all for the lives of poor children?"

Editors note: Evan Essence received his Masters Degree in Journalism (2003), and his PhD in Political Science (2004) from House-of-Spam Internet Marketing

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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