Newt Gingrich won't run for the most powerful position in the world, the Vice Presidency; blames ethical campaign finance reform

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Tuesday, 2 October 2007

image for Newt Gingrich won't run for the most powerful position in the world, the Vice Presidency; blames ethical campaign finance reform
Riding on the hopes of the Moral Majority, making a Contract with America, the Professor turned out like all the rest

Washington, D.C. - Former Speaker of the House (1995-1999), Newt Gingrich, who, along with a whole lot of Republicans (and a couple of Democrats who defected to the GOP, like rats leaving a sinking ship), came into power in 1994 at the flowering of the Clinton era -- also referred to as the day the music died by Conservatives.

The Republican Revolution ushered out 40 years of a Democratically controlled Congress all on a new platform of reform, embodied in the famous Contract with America -- the usual campaign promises -- which Bill Clinton termed "Contract on America" and used his veto as often as he pleased to defeat it.

Eventually forced to resign for some scandal or another that politicians are all too famous for -- facing 10 ethics violations -- Gingrich recently warmed up to the idea of returning to inner circle of power -- by running for the center of it.

Perhaps yearning for the good old days of the Clinton era and perhaps sensing another one -- Hillary Clinton -- is blowing in on the wind. Then he then cooled down again when that old specter for the past arose again and stopped him -- he realized there are campaign finance reform laws that still remain on the books.

For now, Gingrich plans to remain in the private sector -- saving the nation and himself the embarrassment of reminding everyone the reason for his resignation.

Instead, he will continue to dedicate himself to public service through his non-profit tax-exempt supposedly non-partisan foundation, American Solutions for Winning the Future. That is number one on their agenda - while proving the existence of the Chupacabra is his.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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