Ahmadinejad explains why there are no homosexuals in Iran

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Sunday, 30 September 2007


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Iranian president says: "Islam is religion of peace - I kill anyone who says is not!"

Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was recently cited as proof that the CIA's overthrowing Iran's last democratically elected president in 1953 wasn't such a great idea after all.

In his visit to New York's Columbia University last week, the Iranian president drew guffaws when he said there were no homosexuals in Iran. "But is true!" Ahmadinejad protested. "In Iran there are millions of men who have sex only with other men, yet they are not homosexuals. In short, they are exactly like your Senator Larry Craig!"

"True it is that Iran HAD some homosexuals, they said so themselves, but they are all dead now. I see to that. So no queery boys left in my country. Just ask them now are they homos, and they say they are not. What more proof you need?

"While true that in Iran are some homo girls, or as you Americans call them, 'Lebanese', not known how many. This because we see female fag Lebanese, and from their appearance we think they are men. So they hard to count.

"So this idea that in Iran there are homosexuals, it is big lie and myth, just like the Holocaust.

"Speaking of which: Jews are bunch of big troublemakers. Six million of them fake their own deaths and secretly move to Brooklyn and Florida, just like your big movie hero Mr. Melvin Gibson say. All this to get sympathy to steal Palestine from people who never lived there. Also to give Nazis a bad name. In truth some of the nicest people you ever meet are Nazis, like your Pope Benedict XVI. But you wouldn't guess it from listening to the Jews!

"I just am saying this: if you teach the Holocaust, you should give equal time to the other side by teaching the fact that the Holocaust never happened, and those 6 million Jews had it coming to them anyway. Just like you Americans want to give creationism equal time with evolution in science class, and call it 'teaching the controversy'. So you already accept this idea, yes? Yes!"

President Bush has not commented on Ahmadinejad, probably because Bush can't pronounce "Ahmadinejad". Vice-President Cheney however, expressed outrage over the Iranian President's remarks. "We've been trying to convince the American sheep - uh, I mean people that Ahmadinejad is the biggest threat since Hitler, and they can't stop laughing at him! How are we ever gonna sell them on a war against Iran, if THIS nitwit is what they're supposed to be afraid of? All of our plans are ruined."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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