Written by Evan Essence

Monday, 3 September 2007

image for Karl Rove Spotted in Paraguay

After mysteriously disappearing from public sight 2 days ago, Karl Rove has succeeded in eluding angry Democratic Congressional leaders, and flocks of bloggers with cell phone cameras. Now, there have been 3 spottings of Rove in a remote part of Paraguay.

It has been widely reported on the Internet, that George Bush purchased 99,000 acres of land in Paraguay shortly before last Fall's election, which swept away Rove's dream of a permanent Republican majority in Congress. Paraguay is in a region of the World which is traditionally safe for War Criminals.

Donald Rumsfeld is known to have been living in Paraguay for approximately 6 months, now, apparently because it is a safe haven from the War Crimes charges he faces in Germany.

"This is not a comforting development.." observed Harvard Professor of Political Science, Barney Hampton. "First we saw Haliburton...the regulator of the World's oil supply... move their corporate headquarters to Dubais, to avoid any oversight by the Democratic Congress. Then we learned that the next generation of Iraqi Killer Robots will be manufactured in China, where the business climate is considered more favorable...not just in terms of the low cost of labor, but also in that dissident troublemakers are dealt with without mercy."

"Now we are seeing a migration to Paraguay of the Neocons... the Architects of The New World Order... who have been bent on global domination, by trying to control the World Bank, the World's major oil fields, and the surveillance of all of the World's telecommunication systems."

Professor Hampton Continued, "In describing the vitality the US economy, economists now use the term 'Kaput'...as the US is now the 'World's Greatest Debtor Nation' and is only held up by...or rather...controlled by the Central Banks of China."

"They spent us into bankruptcy...three times exceeding the Debt Ceiling...spending trillions of dollars designing and building all these ultra high-tech Weapons of Mass Destruction. Now that the US economy is destroyed, the Neocon planners of the New World Order, are seeking to move their manufacturing base to the more stable economies in Asia."

"It is not clear if the Killer Robots will remain in Iraq, or if China will produce enough of them to travel to all parts of the globe, for policing actions," Professor Hampton continued.

"And, we now know that the previously undisclosed 'sensitive' national security secret...that Alberto Gonzales wouldn't talk about...involves the monitoring and archiving of the motion and travels of all the world's cell phone owners, made possible by the 911/GPS monitoring capabilities of all new cell phones."

"However, with the architects of this plan fleeing to Paraguay, we may never know where these archives are being kept, or who controls them," Professor Hamton noted.

Editors note: Evan Essence received his Masters Degree in Journalism (2003), and his PhD in Political Science (2004) from House-of-Spam Internet Marketing

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more