Written by Robert W. Armijo

Monday, 4 June 2007

image for Man in Trench Coat Is Arrested at Women's French Open, Again
Listening to Women's Tennis Match Has Same Effect on Some Men as Viagra?

Paris, France - Police arrested a yet another man dressed in a tan ankle length trench coat in attendance at the French opening today. However, this one wore it in an apparent attempt to conceal sophisticated audio recording equipment he was carrying underneath.

Initially, police thought they were dealing with a flasher at first or terrorist attempting to case the joint, using some new audio surveillance technique unknown to police. However, they quickly determined they were dealing with something different when they played back the audiotapes the suspect had recorded at the event.

"The tapes were all of women tennis players, playing tennis. That all," said a bewildered French policeman. "Hours and hours of recordings all of women tennis players, playing tennis. I am a Frenchman. No? We are well versed in the art of making love to women. No? Yet, even I do not understand this strange sexual behavior. What does it mean?"

Apparently, the man has developed a sexual fetish for the sound that women tennis players make when they reach out to strike a tennis ball with their rackets.

"It's quite loud, and sounds kind of sexy," said an American male chauvinist pig in attendance at the French Open. "If you were to close your eyes and imagine you were at a woman's volleyball match, you would, umm. Let's just say you wouldn't need any Viagra, okay."

"But I'm here just for the love of the game," he continued. "If you were wondering. Nothing else, just the love of the game -- Although a clay surface is best for the acoustics."

The man arrested was detained and charged for illegally recording the event. The tennis players may take civil action for being recorded without their permission, but no criminal charges are pending.

He also insisted that he was not a pervert but rather on a mission of mercy for visually impaired and economically challenged men, making the audio recordings for the blind, or improvised and men with heart conditions to use as a sexual aid who could not afford, or use, Viagra.

"You think about it," said the man while he was being carried of to his jail cell. "Men are visually stimulated by sight, right? So what are blind men, or poor men, or men with heart conditions supposed to use to get sexually aroused if they can't use Viagra?"

"Pay no attention to him," said the French chief of police. "He's an idiot, saying things out of stupidity and panic for nothing. He will be cited and released within a couple of hours. However, I do have the mind to hold him overnight for saying what he just said about blind men. Insensitive pig."

"Excuse me now, eh," the police officer continued. "Or I will miss the match between Serena Williams and Dinara Safina. I have been waiting for it all day. Tonight is going to be long night. No? I must call my wife to tell her not to forget shut off the microwave."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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