The firing of veteran shock jock Don Imus by CBS radio has ignited a firestorm of protests by idiots throughout the United States and the world.
In Washington, D.C., President George Bush (Nominal President), Co-President Nancy Pelosi (Nominal Speaker of the House), and Co-President Harry Reid (Nominal Majority Leader of the Senate) announced their unity to pass into law the Defense of Idiocy Bill.
In cities throughout the United States ticket sales for Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth plummeted as its audience took to the streets in raging mobs to defend Mr. Imus. At major universities throughout America faculty members stood in line for hours to sign petitions demanding that the rights of idiots be respected.
In England Prince Charles held a press conference defending the right of Mr. Imus to be an idiot. "The right to be an idiot is deeply enshrined in English Common law. Without idiots the English Monarchy would be threatened."
In Stockholm, Sweden the Noble Prize Committee unanimously passed a motion to replace the Nobel Peace Prize with the Nobel Prize for Idiocy. Subsequently, the Swedish Parliament unanimously selected Mr. Imus as the first recipient of the new award.
In France newspapers published editorials defending Mr. Imus and his right to Liberty, Equality, Fraternity, and Idiocy; applauded his nomination for the first Nobel Prize for Idiocy; and, favorably comapared him to the great American intellectual Jerry Lewis.
Dr. Rufus Graves, Professor of Alien, Animal, and Human Social Psychology at the University of Texas Del Rio remained unmoved. "It is not the idiots who need protection. It is the sane population of the United States that should be placed on the endangered species list. I'm talking about the people, who don't watch The View, can't understand why Paris Hilton is a celebrity; don't shop the Home Shopping Network, don't trust Katie Couric with the news, don't see how our soldiers can be compared to Nazis, and can't understand how keeping terrorists in air conditioned cells at Guantanmo Bay is equivalent to the torturing and beheading on American in Iraq."