Written by susan allen-rosario

Tuesday, 10 April 2007

image for Chocoholic assaults Easter Bunny, steals candy
"He has more than he needed."

Hershey, Pa. - Self-proclaimed chocoholic Helen Turner, of Hershey, Pa. was arraigned today on first-degree assault charges after she allegedly attacked the Easter Bunny, Sunday, and stole all his candy.

"The suspect, Helen, was found hiding behind a tree, near the fallen bunny, with a very messy chocolate face and rabbit fur under her finger nails," Police said. "She was shameless and didn't even try to clean up after she committed the crime."

The Easter Bunny was transported to a nearby hospital for treatment of the injuries he sustained during the brutal attack. His condition is unknown at this time.

Local volunteers were organized to distribute eggs and candy to saddened youngsters after the injured bunny was unable to finish his route.

Helen allegedly told police, upon her arrest, that the over-sized rodent, Easter Bunny had more chocolate than he needed and was flaunting it in front of her. She said she just couldn't help herself.

Helen's family members that we interviewed stated that Helen was recently fired from her job at the Hershey plant, after her supervisor caught her trying to smuggle Hershey Kisses out of the building. "She's sick, they said, and needs help."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Easter

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