Illinois Governor Faces Problems With His Proposed $100 Bazillion Kagillion Tax Increase

Funny story written by Tazmanian Devil

Sunday, 18 March 2007

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Last week, Governor Blagojevich of Illinois proposed in his State of the State Address the biggest tax increase in the history of the world. But now, he is finding out that proposing the budget change is the easy part. Trying to get support for it is the hard part.

In his address, Blagojevich assured the listeners that he will do whatever it takes to fulfill the budget increase. One instance, he said, "We will threaten, threaten some more, beat, beat some more, brutalize, torture, and even kill if it means getting the funds we need for our schools." That comment was followed by a roar of applause. But afterwards, people began to get mixed feelings about the budget proposal.

Illinois House GOP Leader Tom Cross commented almost immediately after the Address, "It took us a while, but we finally learned how to say his name right. Now, he wants us to approve a tax increase in figures most of us can't even comprehend? I mean, how much is a kagillion anyway?"

Republican state Rep. Renee Kosel (R-New Lenox) said passing the bill will require a lot of people to go back to school to learn about numbers they've never seen before and that he himself never had to do any math that involved a number bigger than 1,000.

"We never thought we had to deal with such large numbers when we ran for office. It's ridiculous that we now have to endure long hours of headaches just to look at the amount of money he wants to beat out of people who are only making mere 8 figures in income," she said.

Despite all the criticisms and skepticisms about his plan, there is still hope for Blagojevich's budget. House Speaker Michael Madigan (D-Chicago) have expressed his support for the governor's plan saying he would vote for the measure "if and only if" someone tells him just how many zeros are in a kagillion.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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