A can of tomato sauce has been granted a restraining order against a can opener. 15 ounce can of Tomato sauce, Larry Veryred has been living in fear of being offed by the kitchen can opener Lonny Jab. Jab has offed over a hundred cans in his lifetime. The restraining order clearly states that Mr. Jab has to stay a minimum of three feet away from Mr. Veryred and his family.
"It has been a campaign of terror for me," stated Veryred. "Jab has already killed half my extended family."
When Jab was asked for his thoughts on what Veryred had said he simply stated: "I like performing brain surgery on cans. It is my favorite past time."
As of press time Jab had violated the restraining order and had performed brain surgery on Veryred and it does not appear that Jab will be prosecuted seeing that the prosecuting attorney is a can opener.
