Mega Millions Jackpot Riots 3 Cities

Written by Moose&Squirell

Monday, 5 March 2007

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Mega Millions Misbehavings Mortifies Metropolis

PALM SPRINGS, CALIFORNIA--(GOOBERZ)Pandemonium broke out at a 7 Eleven store, when the power went out, due to a short circuit in a hot dog warmer, shutting down the Mega Millions Jackpot Lotto ticket dispenser. The convenience store located on the grounds of the Rancho Mirage Retirement Living/Golf Course & Cemetery, was forced to close one hour early, igniting unrest among the antiquated & creakey population in line for last minute ticket buying .

Molotov cocktails fashioned out of empty Geritol bottles and rubbing alcohol were thrown at the store. A wall of golf club wielding residence in their wheel chairs, circled around the store six chairs thick, fought off police. Many of the arrested wore their WW2 Army uniforms and helmets taken out of mothballs, usually reserved for their annual Memorial Day Parade celebration.

In Goofmont, Texas, The three deputies left in charge, while the real sheriff was at a law enforcement seminar at Mount Pilot, were called to disperse an angry mob when the paper tickets jammed the lotto machine. Officers, Barney, Jasper & Squeeker barricaded themselves inside Bob & Earl's Feed Store, exchanging gunfire with the lotto-lusting yokels outside. Their Police car was overturned, along with another car and set on fire. Sarah Willow, owner of the Caterpillar Tractor dealership across the street, told reporters about the 2nd car, "Naw, that was Old drunken' Elmo. He rolled that old Plymouth again. He does that every week!"

One riot began up at the Wal*Mart store in Buster, Oklahoma until rioters were informed that the Mega Millions Lotto game is NOT played in their state. After listening to reason, they put down their pitch forks & hoes, dispersed quietly and went home to feed their hogs.

This jackpot growing since January 9, had now rolled 15 times without a winner. The odds of winning the jackpot were approximately 1 in 176 million. Mega Millions is played in 12 states: California, Georgia, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Texas, Virginia and Washington. Mega Millions drawings are held Tuesdays and Fridays at 11:00 PM Eastern Time, 10:00 PM Central Time and 8:00 PM Pacific Time.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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