Rush Limbaugh yesterday blamed the Democratic Party, the Vatican, Doctors without Borders and the International Red Cross for getting him hooked on pain killers and making him stupid.
" My friends, the Democrats can't beat me in the lying, cheating and stealing department, so they're trying to attack me with truth. How dare they.", Limbaugh was quoted as saying on his radio show ‘I'm an Idiot- With Rush Limbaugh', " Fortunately, the American people don't care about the truth, so I think I'm pretty safe."
Authorities were trying to get a truck big enough to hold all of Mr. Limbaugh's requests for pain killers from various doctors; once they do this they estimate that it will take no more than thirty five years to go through the documents. Mr. Limbaugh has been accused of "Doctor Shopping", in other words searching out various physicians to write multiple prescriptions for pain killers in the event that his house keepers source dried up. Authorities estimate that Mr. Limbaugh took approximately eight hundred million billion pills in a five hour timeframe in early 1999. Dade County Prosecutor Tony Montana explained, " Taking that amount of opium based pharmaceuticals is the only way to explain Mr. Limbaugh's complete disconnect with reality. I mean listen to his show, you can tell the guy had to have been on drugs. Still is, if you ask me."
Sources close to Mr. Limbaugh insist that the lunatic talk show host is clean and sober after his five week stay at a drug rehab center earlier this year. " He's off the pain killers," said one source, " He's doing nothing more than a fifth of booze, an ounce of pot and some crystal meth every day. For a guy named Rush, that's amazing."
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