WASHINGTON, D.C. – Reliable sources within the Trump White House are saying that the President is fed up with all of the rioting, looting, and illegal basketball playing that is going on in Minneapolis.
The sources, who insisted that their names not be used, stated that POTUS has put the Air Force on standby.
He noted that a total of five B-52 bombers are armed and ready to head toward the 612 area code (Minneapolis) at a moment's notice, and commence bombing operations.
Before the actual launch, Trump will be issuing a directive, informing all of the nice, law-abiding, happy citizens of Minneapolis to cross the bridge into St. Paul, where they will be safe from the hundreds and hundreds of bombs that will soon be raining down on Minneapolis.
Meanwhile, the mayor wants everyone to know that the Annual Soybean Gathering Festival has been postponed to sometime after the election.