Master Ninja Konayatsu Nakahara Declares Candidacy for US Presidency

Funny story written by tprasad23

Saturday, 10 February 2007

image for Master Ninja Konayatsu Nakahara Declares Candidacy for US Presidency
"I will decapitate terrorism with one swift stroke"

In line with Guiliani as the first Italian candidate, Barak Obama as the non-white candidate, and Hillary Clinton as the first female candidate for the US Presidency, 42 year old Konayatsu Nakahara has entered the race for the party nomination. With his primary leadership experience as president of southern Osaka's premier assassin squad, Nakahara brings no political or governmental experience to the table. Rather, he carries with him 25 years training in the Japanese art of Ninjutsu and mastery of Katana swordsmanship, clearly solidifying him as the first Ninja President.

Nakahara has spent the past week campaigning in New Hampshire, mingling with potential political constituents. Caucus member Max Busby said, "I just came for the free sushi, but I am really glad Mr. Nagasawi is runnin' for president. I loved him in that Karate Kid movie." Traditionally, candidates with varying backgrounds have had trouble winning middle America's support, what some refer to as "The Bible Belt" or the "Nascar dads" voter pool. The Nakahara campaign is fully aware of the situation and believes they have their work cut out for them. Nakahara's campaign manager, Debrah Yomagita said, "The Shinto faith might prove somewhat cryptic to middle American voters. But this campaign is not about shrines and incense, it's about what Nakahara can give to the American people."

Even though Nakahara has some clear faith-based differences, he stresses his decision comes from being first and foremost, an American. He said, "I may wear all black, but inside I'm red, white and blue." The declaration comes well received along with some of his defense policies. One of his more popular positions is for revitalization of the stealth bomber program, only more emphasis on stealth, less on bomber.

Members of the intelligence community have shown their support as well, specifically his history of dealing with enemy elements within his hometown population. ex-CIA director, George Tenet, has commented, "The garb might be unorthodox, but here's a man who can get things done. Sometimes the only way to beat an assassin, is to send one of your own." Tenet is referring a rumored CIA investigation into Nakahara's ninja clan's actions during a feudal dispute in Japan. Nakahara's clan was reported to have used only throwing stars to to subdue a force 10 times greater.

Even his campaign opponents are not taking Nakahara's presence lightly, former vice presidential candidate and current presidential contender, John Edwards said, "Nakahara brings an energy to this race no one could've ever predicted. Maybe I can get him to be my running mate, God knows that I know how important it is to have a charismatic running mate."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more