Columnist Molly Ivins Dies of Cancer

Written by Jalapenoman

Thursday, 1 February 2007

image for Columnist Molly Ivins Dies of Cancer
President Bush was saddened at the passing of a journalistic icon.

Political Columnist and satirist Molly Ivins passed away in her Texas home today of complications due to cancer. She was 62 years old at her death. Molly was famous as a liberal and had written for newspapers for many years. She was also once a commentator for Sixty Minutes.

Political opponent and favorite target, President George W. Bush, said the following about Ivins: "Well, she's dead now, so she can't be insultin' me no more, not that it offended me or nothin', cuz she's got her God given right to do that, less'n it interferes with the Patriot Act."

"Molly used to call me the Shrub. I still don't get it, but sometimes we don't understand our nicknames. She wrote two books about me, but I never read 'em cuz the only pictures was on the cover."

"I told Dick Cheney he outta take her huntin' some time when he was usin' my ranch in Crawford, but he never did. Now it's too late, but we all miss some opportunities cuz we don't grab 'em by the cajones."

"Molly used to write a column in the newspapers. I never read it cuz it was on the editorial page and I don't understand those comics too much. They say she wrote real nice, though, even if she didn't say much good about me and all."

"Molly liked to make fun and poke at the Republican folks in Texas. We didn't mind too much cuz we knowed she had a big heart; it was almost as big as her butt (Laura told me I shouldn't say that, but I think it's funny). We got ourselves even and just didn't invite her to none of our cookouts or nothin'."

"I guess some folk's will miss her. I hope they put something good in her spot in the newspaper. Maybe they can bring back Peanuts or something."

Services for Ms. Ivins are pending. The Bush family has not been invited to the funeral.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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