President Bush reacted angrily to the damning report from Amnesty International, which claimed that America's highest profile detention centre, Camp X-ray, 'was not fit to keep shit in.'
"I completely refutimate these scurryless claims. Only last week we asked some of the Iraqi soldiers if the were comfortamable and after only a short beating, they said they were."
Author of the report and chairman of Amnesty International, Bob Wingebleater, told reporters, "It was a disgrace, prisoners were lying about without food or water and one was on a leash, being led about by a marine."
The death rate in the camp has also been a contentious issue, with 1 in every 1 being found dead after a week.
"That's an average of 100%," said Bob, "The national average in America's prison system is 0.02%." he added wryly.
The army, however, have defended the camp saying that the statistics are so high because 'they forgot to roll a window down a bit, on a sunny day, and a lot of them died."
The spate of Iraqi hangings was explained as 'high jinks'.
