Anthem Protest turns Violet in Fredericksville, MD

Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Thursday, 18 January 2018

Fredericksville, MD. John G. Wittier [sick] reporting for The Spoof. While National Anthem protests have dwindled as the professional football season nears an end, a demonstration in Fredericksville, Md., on Martin Luther King Day, turned ugly as "Make America Great Again" zealots clashed with animal rights activists during a flag burning on the town square.

In early morning, a small group of animal lovers paraded down a nearly empty Main street to the courthouse and began a peaceful, silent protest against alleged police brutality. A banner indicated their protest was in solidarity with Ferguson, Charlotte and Baltimore, cities most associated with such charges against police. The marchers were led by the Rev. J. C. Jackson, dubiously reported to be a shirt-tail cousin of the more well-known civil rights leader.

Their specific target in Fredericksville was the little burg's only police officer, who reportedly had kicked a little puppy after it had taken his freshly pressed trouser leg in its teeth. The officer claimed that what appeared to be a kick was simply a movement of his leg in an attempt to free his uniform from the puppy's grip. Videos from cameras of bystanders were inconclusive. While the officer was place on paid administrative leave, the police department has refused to release film from the body camera or to comment on a case that is currently under investigation.

Demonstrators distributed leaflets linking their protest to those elsewhere, but there was no chanting, singing or other overt activity usually associated with such events.

Within minutes, Tea Party/Minute Men/Patriots/Hell's Angels adherents had formed ranks at the north end of Main and, as they marched toward the square, were joined by dozens more, outnumbering their targets ten to one, by all estimates. Many were armed, some carrying AK 47s equipped with bump-stocks attached. Others were armed with sling shots, pea shooters and snow balls.

Shortly thereafter violence erupted, with the Patriots pelting the protesters with snow balls. They especially targeted Rev. Jackson, who was hit repeatedly, but refused to take shelter or retaliate. This reporter, a witness to the event, was moved to remark: "Look at Jackson, standing there like a stone wall."

In the midst of the turmoil, one of the Patriots aimed his pea shooter at a 90-year-old woman who was preparing to burn an American flag.

"Put down that flag!" he ordered, his pea shooter pointed directly at her.

"Shoot if you must, this old gray head, but you should burn this flag, instead!" was her defiant response.

She continued: "You've got a nut for a president. The stock market has skyrocketed because of the corporate tax cut but your wages still suck. What's so "great" about that?"

"I'll bet you wanted Bernie to get the nomination instead of Crooked Hillary, didn't you?" the Patriot goaded.

"Yes," she shouted back as she torched the flag. "Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: She was nominated but shouldn't have been."

Her antagonist then sprayed her with purple paint. Startled, this reporter asked the Patriot why he did that. "Every reader will think that one word in your title line has a typo, that you meant to write "violent." The purple paint shows that it wasn't a misspelling after all."

At that point, deputies arrived from Baltimore and broke up the protest. The old lady was tasered, handcuffed, and drag away in a sitting position. One of the Patriots posted bond for her because, as he said, "She's got spunk."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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