Giuliani Hopes Blathering Sideshow Racist Gig Leads To White House

Funny story written by Cool Papa Bell

Tuesday, 2 December 2014

Former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani hopes his newfound gig as a blathering far-right sideshow racist will again bring him the same popularity he experienced in the wake of 9/11, but frittered away as he encouraged our country to stay unified in the face of terrorism.

"The one thing I learned from that whole episode is, you've got to divide this country into 'us' and 'them,' if you want to earn the Republican nomination for president," Giuliani said on Fox News. "Now more than ever, you have to show off your whiteness and turn your hostility and your fire hoses toward the blacks."

Giuliani, a former prosecutor who campaigned unsuccessfully for the GOP's presidential nomination in 2008, seemingly has emerged from a political holding cell, polishing up a new act as a hate-spewing, sharp-tongued, hollow ultra-conservative dummy voiced by the far right's Tea Party ventriloquist.

"The idea that white and black, Christian and Muslim, straight and gay, Park Avenue and Harlem, can live in peace and harmony is about as outlandish as saying the 47 percenters and the 53 percenters can share a cul-de-sac and an accountant," Giuliani, exuding an unmistakable breath-of-fresh-air sense of white privilege, said.

Giuliani said the nation should have incentive programs that would reward law-abiding citizens for killing a higher number of trouble-making blacks, especially if they mistakenly knock at your door asking for directions.

"Everyone knows where the black neighborhoods are, so that's obviously just a ploy to knock you over the head and steal your cigars," Giuliani said. "Give someone a tax break for killing a thug, or maybe even an appliance. I really hope this is being broadcast down South."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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