Taxidermists bid to stuff Jerry Falwell and Ted Haggard for new Creationist Museum exhibit

Funny story written by queen mudder

Thursday, 23 November 2006

image for Taxidermists bid to stuff Jerry Falwell and Ted Haggard for new Creationist Museum exhibit
Taxidermy is no laughing matter

Kentucky - (Associated Mess): The world's first Creationist Museum is scheduled to open in Kentucky next summer along the lines of a Biblical Disneyland cum Jurassic Park hybrid. And central to its awesome array of historically-factual exhibits will be a special display area containing the stuffed and preserved remains of some of the world's most bizzare creatures: the renowned TheoCon evangelical preachers Reverend Jerry Falwell and Pasta Ted Haggard.

A proposal from the World Federation of Taxidermy Professionals has also suggested adding the Reverend Sun Myung Moon of the Unification Bowel Movement to the display along with a few charismatic Baptist snake-charmers from the US Bible-belt.

The Museum is planned around Old Testament tableaux vivants including those of the Creator ordering Moses to 'keep taking the tablets' following a spate of dodgy hallucinatory visions brought on by sunstroke.

A Fertile Crescent section of the Museum will feature 20th century stalwarts such as the Ayatollah Khomenei and his Utah spiritual counterpart Warren Jeffs.

Jostling for pride of place will be exhibits of visionary prophets such as the little shepherdess girl Fatima who once told a famous Pope three awesome secrets about the rise of the Nazis in the Vatican, and Bernardette of Lourdes whose visions of a Pyrannean placebo-peddling get-rich-scheme has become a perennial all-time favorite among terminally ill miracle-cure seekers in Europe.

But the icing on the cake is the exhibit area reserved in a dual podium of glory to be shared by effigies of L Ron Hubbard of the Church of Scientology and the founder of the Church of Latter Day Assholes himself Joseph Smith Jr.

These Tyrannosaurus Rex giants of the world of Creationism have consistently beaten off all opposition in terms of sheer TheoCon humbuggery having raised more $$$s in flogging afterlife insurance policies than all three Abrahamic/Mediterranean religions during the last 2000 years.

The Museum opens on April 1st.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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