Haggard:"I didn't have to pay"

Written by queen mudder

Friday, 3 November 2006

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Haggard: no cash involved?

Colorado Springs, Colorado - (Associated Mess): The embattled leader of the National Evangelical Association Pastor Ted Haggard has stepped down from his lofty pulpit after hotly refuting allegations that he had to pay for sex with men, claiming he was merely 'doing the Lord's work' in reaching out to godless Rocky Mountain rent boys.

The 50 year old charismatic methamphetamine enthusiast - noted for supporting a US Supreme Court ruling which struck down the Texas anti-sodomy law - is a graduate of Oral (sic) Roberts University.

Some US press reports have noted that he pursues "an ambitious mission born out of mountainside farting sessions" and visions of God's instrument (sic).

Haggard has also acted as President George W Bush's personal advisor on the immensely successful Iraqi Hearts and Minds campaign that culminated in the historic Mission Accomplished televised triumph of the Administration.

A NEA spokesman said today that Haggard was now seeking legal advice about professional detox treatment for his visionary experiences.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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